Love is in the air!! this week I've met new people, and before knowing it, they become great friends..It's kinda overwhelming to see people that you just met volunteer to do things your old buddies won't even consider to do for you -unless you pushed hard of course ;). So this is it. Day after day, Life keeps amazing me. and I totally agree with the one who said :" Life may be happy, sad, silly, embarrassing or even really exciting... What ever it is, it makes life, a wonderful journey".
لست شاعرة و لكنني محبة للشعر، و لست عالمة و لكنني محبة للعلم ، و لست كاتبة و لكنني محبة للأدب، و لست فنانة و لكنني محبة للفن... و خوفي كل خوفي ألا أكون حية و لكن فقط محبة للحياة... و لكني أظن أن الحب في ذاته جوهر الشعر و الفن و الأدب و العلم و إكسير الحياة
Here I am! having a job interview in the morning, and instead of focusing and getting some sleep, I'm surfing blogs and youtube videos, trying to get someway to find Erin! Even if she left Islam-partially- I still consider her as one of my Top 10 people who've had inspired me and still do!! I love her so much, I admire her courage, even if I can't approve her decision, but I respect it. She has been a source of inspiration for so many people in the youtube community, muslim and non-muslim. She made me laugh, she made me cry, she made me think seriously about changing my life to a better one. She can't just disappear?!!! I just think it's a huge waste to lose such a unique creative and impressive person. Sometimes, I imagine that I'll wake in the morning, open my youtube account and see her videos again, with a larger smile than the one I had before while watching her videos... So, here I am! stuck with my emotions, turning in an infinite loop. I can't rid of this bitterness I feel deep down in my heart. I'll miss you Erin, I'll really miss you, and I pray God to guide you back to Him and to guide you back to your faith. I hope to hear from your news soon, I really hope so, cuz I love you my dearest friend -even if you don't know me :)
From bouchra with Love
C U another Day...Or like you used to sign your videos:" SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY..."
Aaaaaah kids!! they're crazy!! but in a funny sweet way :) I love kids even if they drive me nuts :) I just love them, and I can't wait to have my own cute little babies =) I hope that Allah will bless me, soon inshaallah, with a familiy of my own =)
I was listening to some verses of the Holly Koran, and I broke in tears saying "All power and might belong to Allah, The Most High, the Great". I found the words of Allah so great that no one can compose a sentence that can be more beautiful or at least as great as Allah words. And I said to myself : What am I in this univers? I'm nothing compare to this Greatness. I'm barely a little drop in the ocean created by the Lord of the universe. and eventhough my weekness, Allah the Greatest Lord of all the worlds is willing to accept me and wanting me to come back to the straight way, so 'll be rewarded. Oh poor me!! I've let down God the greatest and run after futilities. Oh poor me!! May Allah forgive me, the little me!!
Why? why can't I just be open and talk to everyone about everything? Why do I always have to calculate every step I'm going to take and be afraid of every single move I'm going to make? Why everytime I login to msn and found some old friend, I feel this need to run and hide, so I go offline and wait till some friend of mine -in the safety zone -show up, to have a decent conversation? Why am I afraid of other people? I can't answer that!! Or maybe I'm just beeing coward and don't wanna admit something I kow deep down in my heart... But someday, and I'm sure that day will come, I will pull myself together and do what it takes to overcome this fear of the others' judgment. I khow I can!!!! wish me luck :)
Oh yeah!! Guess what? You can’t change the world, and if you think you can, go ahead and show me what you can do :)
- Seriously, let’s be honest with ourselves. Did you manage somehow, in some point of your life to change somebody close to you?
- Ummm...
- Your brother, your sister, your father, your mother or even your friend?
- Define change!
- Did you someday feel that anger of dissatisfaction seeing some inappropriate manners and actions within your family and friends? Did you say to yourself: oh I got change him/her? I want him/her to be a better person?
- You have no idea!
- Did you succeed in your quest, or did you just drop it saying deep down in your heart. I got accept the people I love the way they are, I don't have to change them?
- I love my family for what they are! I don't have to change them?!!
- you know what? it's just an excuse to sweeten your failer!!
- but...
- Ok ok, just one last question : did you consider changing yourself? did you? did you think for a second that maybe, maybe there's something wrong with you, not the others? that is you who needs to change?
- Actually, I just did...
- and...?
- and I guess I see what you wanna say! you're right! I've been always complaining about the others, why they say that, why they don't do that, and I totally forgot myself. And in the times of despair, I was repeating to myself, "Hell is other people", making all my misfortune their fault not mine.
- good good!! continue plz...
- I think that if I want someone to do something in a certain way, I should do it first. I should be the exemple no him. I should be taking action not be just a passive person waiting for other people to take the initiative. I should be the change I wanna see in the world.
- I guess I can't add anything to what you just said :)
That'll be everything for today. see you next session!!
but it's ok :) "you're not logical, you're not coherent, I don't know what you're talking about..." It's relieving to know that these words were said by the man who actually wanted to marry me...hehehehe...I can't help laughing!! it's hilarious, really hilarious!! but anyway, I feel relieved to know that I made the right decision, and inchaallah I'll meet -soon I hope- someone who really gets me and understands me. and I wish for you the best all the way.
It's the first time that I assist a conference in a sunday morning, and it was really worth it!! Being there made me feel happy :D I couldn't help smiling while the khatib was giving his speech. The first conference was about "Ossoul alfiqh", the khatib was good, but the second conference was better. Not only the khatib was great but the subject was really fascinating for me. The conference lasted 2 hours, and I couldn't disconnect 1 second, yeeey!! Recently, I've been very passionate about history in general and the islamic history in particular, because I think it's very important and crucial to know our history, it helps you know who you are and what you should be, it inspires you. Anyway, in the second conference, the khatib walked us through the history of the sunnah, century by century enumerating all the facts that made the sunnah of the prophet, may peace be upon him, a true science, with all the precision and laws that makes a science what it is. We stopped at the 7th century (hijri) and I'm looking forword to what comes next. it's only the beginning, I'm planning to go next week inchaallah, because I can't get enough of it. The true words of Allah, the smilling faces, the serenity of the place...It's another world...A wonderful world...
I don't think so!! I guess in this stage of my life, I need to focus. The way I live my life now is the basis of my future life. I have a path to choose. The path that will lead me to Jannah inchaallah. I can't miss this up. I need to clear my head, and classify my priorities. I'm 23 now, I'm no longer a kid, and I should be really aware of that. So, is it worth it to waste my time in what Allah forbid me to do? is it worth it to waste my time sleeping ? is it worth it to hang-out with people whom don't bring me anything but futilities? I want to overcome that fear of death that I have deep in my heart. I want to reach serenity. I want Allah to love me. I want the prophet to think of me as a good member of his Ummah. I don't want to disappoint him anymore. I want the rest of my life to be without regret. I hope Allah will accept me. I hope, I hope...
Lowest state of mind!!! I feel hopeless right now... I keep on cheering myself up but it's not working... I just hope that tomorrow will be a total new happier day!!
Enfin, j'ai eu le courage de lui répondre sincèrement. Enfin, j'ai pu lui dire que je n'étais pas la bonne personne pour lui. Tu es quelqu'un de bien, mais c'est moi qui ne te mérite pas...and who knows? waybe a wonderful wife is waiting for you out there...maybe your new life will be happier without me :)
الحمدلله، حمل و انزاح إن شاء الله، تنتظرنا أيام رائعة
Today, i received an email on my gmail account from someone who claimed to be : katherine poll. She asked to place a link to their Screen Capture Software anywhere on my blog, or to create new post with a short description for their product. When I read it, I was like, what is she talking about? if she want me to promote her product, she should at least tell me who is she and what company she work for? So I googled her and look what I got. She's a scammer!! here, check it out. The link she wanted me to place on my blog contains a serious virus. I was lucky this time :) I could've cause a serious damage, if I trusted her. So that's it!! and Remember, don't you ever, ever, trust strangers :)
Oh yes!! there has to be some serious change in my habits and way of life! I can't bear myself anymore...I'm the one who I am "today", I'm who I decide to be "today", !I'm a newer version of Me. I'm no longer this awful person, I didn't like this person, I even hated this person... I just need some du3aa, a lot of it...to change!!Wish me tawfiq!!
