Just another entry

 It has been ages since I wrote something here in this beloved space. I changed a lot in these last few years. The world changed too, but we can feel the tremendous pace of change in every aspect in our lives. AI has become the new electricity as Andrew puts it: Chat gpt 4, DALLE and all the generative AI trends, it's all blowing my mind. And besides the tech frenzy, kids changed too. a 7 yeard old boy is like a 15 year old, a 5 year old is like a 10 year old. Everything is changing in unimaginable speed and I looooong to keep up but I can't. I feel, I live en mode sans echec. I hope it is just a phase, so I'll keep trying...

Connection...

I was walking to work this morning listening to Hamza Namira (my favorite in this moment) and I began daydreaming (as usual :-p ). I pictured myself planning just few centimeters above the sidewalk, a fine thread was coming out of my heart floating as I move quickly, I saw another thread and another and another...I was moving forward pulling an infinity of threads behind me in the air. Each thread is a connection to a dear person with whom I shared a warm connection. I was delighted and extremely blessed to know those threads existed and I was frustrated that some other threads were broken.

There is a floating thread everytime I think of someone and I feel love, care, respect, sympathy or warmth and I know deep inside that this person if he thinks of me he will feel the same. There is no need to be with this person all the time, just a contact every now and then can save the thread from breaking because you two know what you mean for each other and you don't need to prove it. I just love when I don’t have to prove my love and concern for someone I do care about it gives me serenity and a happy smile.

But unfortunately, sometimes, some threads break, not because you don't care for the person anymore, but because the other demands that you prove your love. So the shining golden thread that was enlightening your heart breaks and the deep connection that you use to have doesn't exist anymore. So instead of floating in the air, the tread trail behind you on the floor.

I wanted to paint these emothions but I couldn't (can't draw a cat :-p ), so I wrote them and I feel better now. 

When two introvert friends meet...

Big smile
A little to none of eye contact
Small rushed sentences
You know that both of you are more than dlighted to meet but still...it doesn't seem that way

Bottom line. It is clumzy and ackward

The library in 2016

source: google

When I was a little girl, I had always this idea of the library as a quiet sanctuary where pages are turn carefully in fear to disturb the readers. Where an indiscrete voice is shushed by an extremely concentrated reader. A place, where groups studied quietly in a long table. A place where you stumble upon a mind blowing gem of a book. A place I would definitely call my home. Growing up in this tumultuous world, I’ve experienced the majority of the technology leaps our society got trough. First, there was the TV receptor, the mobile phone, then the holy internet. I remember the first childish clumsy clicks in the cybercafés. Then, my first Alcatel phone (with an antenna) and the first computer at home. And after that, my first personal computer when I was 20 and came with it the internet connection at home and in campus. Not to mention the ultimate must: the smart phone. Now and then, when I go to the library, the first places taken are those next to electricity plugs, you know why. It’s true that we come to the library to study, but also to surf the internet, check our email, our facebook feed all in peace. Thankfully, the library has preserved its quietness but the books, the lovely books are resting in the shelves for a time when the Reader would come without his PC.  

...and Counting!!

Today is the eve of my not so dirty thirty. Can you imagine? 30 years has passed!!30 years of existence and Alhamdolillah many blessing have fallen upon me as long as many hardships that showed me of what I’m made of. Today, of all days, I bring myself to think of what I’m doing of my life. Am I in the right path or am I wandering around without an aim in mind. Today I re-read my small diary, with only few documented days and I say to myself what a waste of not being able to keep a diary. Hundreds and thousands of days had passed without a trace. It’s like I never lived those days. And GOD knows how ardently I want to live. Not just one life but a thousand of them. So, Dear Bouchra, for the sake of your mental sanity, for the sake of your soul health, Do keep a dairy. Document your days, for you to prove that you have lived!!

Smile it's sunnah

Special Request to people in public transportation:
when someone wants to sit next to you and say 'assalamo3alykom' , please reply ' wa 3alaykom ssalam'. Chill and don't be afraid to show the wrinckles in the corners of your eyes.

Just Smile, it's sunnah :)

:)

I just wanted to say Hi to everyone who still follows this blog.

Hope you're happy and smiling with a smile as sweet as my little one's toothless big smile :D

Have a wonderful day.

De retour? maybe....

Cela fait déjà plus d'une année que je n'ai pas touché au clavier pour écrire sur ce blog qui m'est très cher. qu'est ce que je faisais? je vivais sans trop documenter ma vie:)
Aujourd'hui je suis à ma 38ème semaine de grossesse. J'attend les signes pour enfin rencontrer mon petit ange qui me fait énormément mal dans le dos. Entre temps, j'essaie de boucler ce que j'ai à boucler, parce que -apparemment- c'est pas aussi simple de prendre soin d'un nouveau né et de travailler sur une thèse.
J'espère bien que tout ira bien et que mon bon Dieu me donne la force et la persévérance qu'il faut pour être celle que j'aspire à être. De prendre soin de "moi" et de ceux qui me sont chers et de continuer à documenter ma petite vie et mes souvenirs qui coulent si vite comme l'a dit autrefois Apollinaire :

Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine

Et nos amours

Faut-il qu’il m’en souvienne

La joie venait toujours après la peine.

Vienne la nuit sonne l’heure

Les jours s’en vont je demeure

... 

Long lost cause

Whenever I read something palestine related my heart aches...I feel betrayal...I feel I betrayed palestine...I feel I betrayed myself!!

And whenever I read (re-read) Naji Al-Ali caricatures my eyes become very watery and this song begins to play in my head.

As I was in the middle of a re-reading session, I begin to wonder: does the generation Z happen to know anything about the palestinian cause? do they even know there is a palestine somewhere in the middle-east? do they know about naji el-ali? do they know about yahya ayyach? do they even know that isrel is the bad guy? that they haven't always been there? do they know about palestinian refugees? little do they know and little do we help them to know!!

I feel my heart aching...

Once I tried to pass the message to my little brother who is 16 now and boy was I shocked. He thought that palestine and Israel are in conflict over some border issues and that israel has always been there.

Now I wonder: what can we do to revive the cause?

What can we do to make all people know and care about what's going on in palestine?

I need ideas

What can we do?   

a reminder

Just keep smiling...

Life will be over someday...really soon

So,

just keep smiling 

and

ask Allah for forgiveness

:)

A Word On Priorities

I was hoping to write this week's post feeling like:

but since life isn't always as you want it to be, I'm writing now feeling like:

I promised myself not to write about sad things, but since I'm in that kind of mood I'll try to get a lesson out of it:
Don't keep your life on hold for some project, don't privilege study over family and friends, don't ever say :"this is the only thing I will working on for the next week"; life is larger than that. Try to sneak out some time for YOU and your family. This is what really matters and what will make you happy.

قصة حب

لماذا أكتب ؟
أكتب لأني  أشعر بالدفء ، أشعر أنني لست وحيدة.
أكتب لأني  أحب منظر الحبر الأزرق على الورق
يعجبني أن أنظر إلى تسلسل و انسياب الحروف و الكلمات التي أخطها (رغم رداءة خطي )
أكتب لأني  أشعر أني in harmony

I feel like I'm doing the right thing; I feel like I'm connected to the world with a strong and a subtle way

I write because I can't help smiling when I'm writing

أكتب لأني أشعر بالسعادة
أكتب لكي لا أكون وحيدة

لماذا أكتب؟

في نهاية هذا المقطع يقول المترجم: أترجم كل سبت لأحافظ على لياقة الحياة

جعلتني عبارته أقف مع نفسي و أتساءل:

 هل أنا أحافظ على لياقة الحياة؟

 هل أعمل على الحفاظ على توازني الداخلي؟

فقررت أن أكتب كل أحد لأحافظ على حياة القلب 

اللهم يسر

This is the question

" Am I alive and a reality, or am I but a dream?

Edgar_Rice_Burroughs

عن الحياة الوردية

أصبحت مخدتي صلبة متحجرة هذه الأيام...

عجيب أمر هذه المخدة

كانت لفترة غير بعيدة ناعمة و وثيرة و بين يوم و ليلة أمست قاسية أكثر مما يتحمله رأسي الصغير

...

لله الأمر من قبل و من بعد

...

لطالما نظرت إلى هذه الحياة بعين التفاؤل و استنطاق الجمال في التفاصيل العذبة الصغيرة :

 يروقني انسياب أشعة الشمس عبر قماش ستارة النافذة

و أطرب لصوت مداعبة الريح لزجاج الثريا...

أعشق حركة السحاب في السماء بقدر عشقي لرائحة أولى قطرات المطر المنهمر على التراب...

تعجبني التجاعيد على جانب عيني والدي و يدهشني بريق عيني والدتي...

للماء من صنبور مطبخنا طعم حلو جميل لا يضاهيه إلا ماء الطفولة في قريتنا الجبلية بالعطلة الصيفية...

ااااه من رائحة الخبز الساخن 

أو رائحة الحبق و إكليل الجبل المتسللة إلى أنفي في هدءة الليل

كم يعجبني تقبيل الأيدي التي جعدها الدهر و سماع الدعوات من قلوب طهرها رب العباد من الحقد:

"الله يجعلك نوارة بين قرانك"

"الله يجعلك شمعة فقنديل ما تطفيها شتا و لا تديها ريح"

...

أحب أن أنادي اسمس همسا : بشرى... بشرى...

فاسمي أول مضاد حيوي لليأس

كلما شعرت بالحزن ناديتني فتنهمر دموعي موجا متلاطما و يرتحل حزني زبدا مبتعدا

اللهم لك الحمد

...

أحب التلفظ جهرا ببعض الكلمات:

ياسمييييين

ندى

ليمون

...

هذه نظارتي الوردية التي رافقتني طيلة أعوامي السبعة و العشرين الماضية و التي كانت لي درعا واقيا و ملجأً  لكنها و للأسف لم تعد تحمي نفسي من قسوة العالم الحقيقي...

and it sucks!!

لطالما اقتنعت أنني إن صححت نيتي و صفيت سريرتي فسيعاملني الناس بالمثل لكن الحياة ليست دائماً وردية...

لطالما قلت أن حياتي ستكون مختلفة و مترفعة عن ماديات الأمور لكن الواقع بين لي أن الحياة ليست وردية كما ظننتها...

***

صرت أفضل الهروب من واقعي إلى عالم وردي أفَصِّله على هواي فيصبح سمائي الصغيرة

و في ما يلي بعض النجوم من سمائي:

- سورة مريم بصوت المنشاوي

- كتب أحمد بهجت و بهاء طاهر و رضوى عاشور...

- رسوم وليد طاهر

- قصائد محمود درويش و تميم البرغوثي وSara Kay...

- تأملات علي أبو الحسن

- كتاب ديوان العرب

- أفلام Makoto Shinkai و خصوصا:

•  the garden of words
•   the place promised in our early days
• 5cm per second

- الشوكولاتة 

- القهوة المعطرة
- الناس الطيبون
- الغول و العنقاء و الخل الوفي :)
***
اللهم لك الحمد

 

Can't stay still!!

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.

~John Burroughs ~

In a Fruits Basket mood =)

Need I say more?!

source : google

I am WATER!!

"It is the nature of stone to be satisfied.
It is the nature of water to want to be somewhere else."

-Mary Oliver-

Well, this explaines a lot!!

ميلودراما 3

ماذا يحدث لحزن تأجل؟؟
؟؟؟

Get busy living or get busy dying!!

I can't get this idea out of my mind this morning...it's haunting me!!

P.S: This is the best movie ever!!